where are you?

i feel a little bit like God has abandoned me. and i KNOW he does not abandon anyone. and i have plenty of Bible verses to back that up, and i tell people that all the time. so. i know that everything i am saying is completely ridiculous, completely not true, completely silly.

but yet still,

i feel abandoned.

i feel really lost right now...

and i just kind of want to go home.

Who knew you could go wrong with pink?

I don't know if you know this about me, but i am pretty obsessed with the color pink. i'd say it's a good color to be obsessed with. so many pretty things are pink! flamingos, flowers, okay...so i'm blanking on other pink things. moral of the story is everything that is pink is wonderful in my eyes.

well. this view of mine changed for the worse.

i have been determined to bake an all pink cake for quite some time now. nothing fancy, just one of those strawberry cake mixes and some pink frosting. doesn't sound too bad, right?

at this point in the process it still was seeming like a good idea...

then it took a turn for the worse. the point at which i actually tasted it.

it was SO bad. pink overload (and not the kind i usually enjoy). an explosion of pepto-bismol.

my roommate said she liked it, maybe i'll give it to her to finish for me. :)


----

on another note...

Remember my raving about zumba?! how wonderful it is?! well i still think zumba is wonderful. but the other day me and my discipler went to zumba....and it was a new instructor. reg flag. halfway through sumba she turned it into strip tease lessons!! it was ridiculous, disgusting, humiliating, and hilarious all at the same time. we would end up at something like that. needless to say we did not participate in the strip tease aspect of this lesson. :)

It's ALMOST FRIDAY !!!!

re-directed.

okay. so i think today i had a reality check.

me and my friend went to work on this HUGE assessment project for one of our special education classes. we had to draw schools from a hat to determine which area we would have to go to, we got one of the furthest schools. so for the next few fridays we have to drive quite a ways to get to this school. i can;t say i was thrilled about this, but i'm a firm believer in everything happens for a reason...and I'm going to a place that God hand-picked for me. so i needed to accept it. (and be excited!)

so today, we pull into this town...and it is the tiniest town i have ever seen. there is nothing there. suddenly i see a jimmy john's - 'there's hope!' i think to myself.

i start to wonder what people do for fun. i start to wonder where they go if there is an emergency. i start to wonder what the heck i'm doing there. (mostly i was just REALLY nervous.)

me and my friend were really dressed up, we wanted to look professional. our school requires we "represent them well." so we pull up to this tiny little school, and suddenly all my questions left my mind, all my fears were gone - i was overcome with this complete feeling of peace.

i see little kid's names written all over the sidewalk. i see windows wide open. i see doors wide open, unlike schools at home that have security at every entrance. i see smiling faces looking out at us. i hear teachers going over math facts, reading stratgies -- all blending together in just a way that made me feel really happy.

we signed in and got a visitor's pass, no one said anything to us at first. my feeling of peace still remains when a little lady walks up to us, asks us who we are and who we are here to see, then directs us on our way. we find our teacher we are working with, in the back of the school in a little room filled with endless supplies of teaching "goodies" and i see two students working dilligently with her. she hands us the IEP (individualized education plan) of the student we are assessing, and we get to work finding out info about our student.

as we're sitting in the small, simple library...i start to realize this is what it is all about. it is not about fancy appliances or fancy dress clothes. it is not about big towns with lots to do. it is not about having the most recent of everything out there. it is not about knowing everything all of the time. it's not about any of this.

just then a little boy walked up to me, "are you mrs. (fill in name here) "
me: no im not im sorry
little boy: its okay! thanks anyway!! you just looked like a teacher to me.

my heart was smiling so big in that moment. i looked like a teacher.

more importantly, i felt like a teacher.

when it comes down to it, that's what it is about. it's about these children. the ones that come to us with questions, fears, excitement, joy, anger, sadness. it us up to us to be everything to these students...and not just for a few hours of the day, but forever.

then another teacher came up to me, and asked me,
"if you don't mind my asking, what are you two working on?" (let's face it..we stuck out like sore thumbs)
so we explained it to him.
"Wow, that sounds great. i love to help out future teachers."
me: i know, i am pretty sure we are the luckiest people in the world.

so i guess. my reality check showed me...it is not always going to be easy. but if i just be myself, then it will all work out. it doesn't need to be fancy. it doesn't need to be perfect. i may end up in a huge city or a small town like this one (which i'm starting to love the idea of more and more). wherever i end up, it just needs to be me.

"Our Lord needs from us neither great deeds nor profound thoughts. Neither
intelligence nor talents. He cherishes simplicity." St. Therese of Lisieux

everyday is a new day.

Ooof. today i am feeling discouraged.

i think it's just the adjustment of a routine again... 4 days at home sure can throw a girl off!

lately i feel like one day i am either very sure of where i am/where i am going/what i am doing, and then the next it can be the complete opposite. it's kind of a gross muggy/foggy day. does anyone else's mood really rely on the weather sometimes?! i know mine does.

yikes!

but-- today i am hanging out with the priest at our newman center. it's actually called, "spiritual direction." hah, sounds weird right?! i promise it isn't! they are SO cool. and give amazing perspective on things. it's a great way to talk out all your concerns and get a "God-perspective" on it. i love having priest-friends! we have a sister too. she's pretty awesome. she loves to sing and dance!! we get along well because of that. ;)

... random ... i feel like trying some new recipes, does anyone know of anything tasty and easy to cook? :) speaking of food... my friend and i went grocery shopping last night around 9! it is an amazing time to shop!! the stores are dead, and so you can wander as much as you want and take as much time or little time as you want. it was fun. :)

i really don't have much else to say today. :/ i got stuck in a door while walking to class. that was embarrasing. i need to get myself re-motivated. on the plus side, Bible study is tonight! i hope it goes well!!

sorry...this was kind of all over the place!

pray, pray, pray!!

did you know that God blesses you with MORE time each time you spend time with Him in prayer?! so basically...those days you don't think you have enough time to pray, are actually the perfect times to pray! because God will allow you to get everything you needed done + more. just a fun fact for the day. :)

i learned that today. i think i've heard it before...but i can always use a reminder. :)

it is BEAUTIFUL out. so beautiful that i cannot stand to be inside doing homework!! :( my afternoon class was cancelled, and i want to take full advantage...go on a walk, go for ice cream, spend time with friends, sit outside & read. anything but my homework. :( so as you can see, i'm blogging about it instead ;) productive, yes?

so i'm going through my rec center pamphlet that lists all the classes i can take, and i've narrowed it down to these:

Cardio Kick: a high intensity workout feautirng kickboxing and plyometrics set to heart pounding music
Cardio Step: a high energy workout incorporating creative combinations and patterns on a step platform
Dancer's Definiton: this class blends Pilates, Yoga and fitness into one energizing workout meant to sculpt, lengthen, and strengthen every muscle in the body
Zumba: (yes!!!) you already have read about my obsession with zumba. so i'll spare you.

i'm really excited. i just hope i actually go! tonight my friends are going to a cycling class.... yikes! i hear those are REALLY intense. idk if that's quite what i'm looking for just yet... :]

does anyone know of a good book that i can use for discipleship? (discipleship is a program through FOCUS ((fellowship of Catholic University Students)) it is basically a christ-centered friendship...kind of like a mentorship program, i guess would be a somewhat different way to describe it. it's like a Bible study built for two! presssh. you will hear me referencing this a lot! because i have two girls that i disciple, and am being discipled as well) anyway. i want to find a good book that we could read for that. any ideas? I think there was a good St. Teresa Avila book, but i'm not sure...hmm.

Anyway....... i should probably get to that homework.

Have a wonderful day!

A little something I learned...

Mark 5:21-43


that whole section is good (obviously!), but the part i'm going to focus on is verses 35-43

35 While he was still speaking, people from the synagogue official's house arriced and said, "Your daughter has died; why trouble the teacher any longer?" 36 Disregarding the message that was reported Jeses said to the synagogue official, "Do not be afraid; just have faith." 37 He did not allow anyone to accompany him inside except Peter, James, and John, the brother of James. 38 When they arriced at the house of the synagogue official, he caught sight of a commotion, people weeping and wailing loudly. 39 So he went in and said to them, "Why this commotion and weeping? The child is not dead but asleep." 40 And they ridiculed him. Then he put them all out. He took along the child's father and mother and those who were with him and entered the room where the child was. 41 "Talitha koum," which means, "Little girl, I say to you, arise!" The girl, a child of twelve, arose immediately and walked around. [At that] they were utterly astounded. 43 He gave strict orders that no one should know this and said that she should be given something to eat.

okay! so! first of all -- completely sidenoted off of what i was originally going to say, but i love that throughout the Bible randomly I will find, "Do not be afraid." I remember the first time i started reading reading the Bible that was the first thing i noticed. i felt like God was reaching out and speaking directly to me telling me not to worry, not to be afraid, to trust in Him and i will be okay. :)

well, i think "talitha koum" is probably one of the coolest little Bible tidbits i have learned recently. i am going to do my best to explain it the way my friend did, but i'm warning you... it may not make sense. hah. i'll give it a go.

in this chapter, everyone had lost faith in this girl. they thought she had died. they were going to give up on her. but Jesus... He doesn't give up on anyone. He knew she was not dead, and all it took was for him to tell her "talitha koum" ARISE, and she was okay again. also, He said she needed to eat. she needed to be fed. just like WE need to arise and be fed as well. fed with Him in communion, fed with Him in His word, fed with Him in each aspect of our lives so that we are allowing Him to live through us. my friend told me that everytime before she receives communion, in her head she recites, "talitha koum." and it reminds her that Jesus wants her as much as she wants Him.

It's nice to remember that even though there are so many of us and only one God...He loves each of us like we are the only person in the whole world. who else can you say that about?

i don't know...i thought it was interesting. :) i definitely will remember that while i am sitting in mass from now on!

Talitha koum, everyone! Arise and be fed with our wonderful Lord. :)

Home Sweet Home

i am home for labor day weekend! it feels SO good. my afternoon class was cancelled today, so after my morning class i packed up my car and zoomed home! it felt a little strange to be driving out of town...but it was so much fun to blast my music and just drive.

as i pulled onto my street i saw my dad and my dog waiting outside for me. :) it was a long ride and just really good to see them. my mom had to work late tonight, so me and her are going for a late dinner when she gets home and to run a few quick errands! after i got home dad and i ran to the grocery store cuz let's face it -- without me around the house is not stocked with food! it's just plain sad. so we got some food, grabbed some lunch, and then i came home and took the longest nap ever with my pup. it felt really good. you don't realize how much school takes out of you till you lay down for a few hours!!

so, as i mentioned in my previous post - have any of you lovelys heard of 'Zumba' ? umm, well, let me tell you - if anywhere around you offers a zumba class, i strongly suggest... wait, let me change that, i demand that you take it! seriously you WON'T regret it. it's basically salsa mixed with hip hop mixed with aerobics. take it from someone who does NOT like working out.. zumba is the best work out class ever. seeing as i have never taken a work out class... i'm not the greatest judge on that. but still. trust me. granted i LOOOVE to dance, but i think you would still like this class even if dance wasn't your thing. it's my new all-time fave thing to do! my goal for you: find zumba somewhere near youuuuuu!!! hurry!

okay, onto other things... i had my first Bible study last night- it went so well!! my girls are just incredible. we didn't really dive into too much last night, it was more of a "get to know each other" night. i figured it would probably only last a half hour since it was the first night - but it lasted an hour and 40 minutes!! i was SO excited. we did some ice breakers, i made puppy chow and brought them that, we talked forever about all sorts of things. it was just great. i hope it stays this good once we start getting into the actual study. i can't wait to see where God takes us. i feel really good about it. content. in prayer i've been telling God that i am searching for peace in all aspects of my life. i'm hoping that i am starting to find it. :)

however, as i'm praying for peace, i (think) i am slowly having God's will for me revealed to me lately. it is something that is really challenging for me. especially when His will does not match my will. i know of course His will beats mine, hands down. but how do we make this easier? i tend to struggle with this a lot and could sure use some insight. :)

speaking of God. i learned something really cool yesterday. i'll blog about it when i get back to school because that's where i wrote it down at. :) or i'll do some research later and try to find it again.

Happy *almost* friday everyone!!!