FOCUS CONFERENCE!

Holy cow. i don't even know how to begin to explain this week except for the fact that if anyone out there does not believe in God, or has doubts...please find your way to this conference next time we have one. being surrounded by thousands of people your age...wanting, desiring, thirsting for the same thing you are. for God, for His love, His word, His entire being.

How beautiful is that?! How stinking incredible?!

I have been so blessed with this trip. God has given me more than I could have hoped for. I have learned so much more about Him, and the more I learn, the more I want to learn. I feel like this week has shown me that the most beautiful type of love is sacrificial love. and how fitting? seeing as God sacrificed His ONLY son, for us -- for our sins.

Jesus took on all that suffering. for us! so when we are asked to do the same, when we are given challenges in life, when we are asked to give of ourselves when we do not want to...those are the moments when we need to pick up our cross and walk. because it is the most beautiful kind of love out there. when we can physically give up ourselves for the well-being of another. i feel so blessed. God was so present at this Conference....He was working through and in the hearts of so many, and I know they are forever changed. I love being a witness to this, seeing hearts and minds and most importantly SOULS change right before my eyes?!

this was so much more than a conference to me....i'm just still amazed and in awe of God's constant presence and work in the lives of everyone around me.

the theme of this Conference was "made for more" -- and what a necessary reminder for college students?! i know i for one get so discouraged, so let down, so defeated. there are constant outlets in our society today that tell us we are not good enough. we need to do this better, or change who we are to get what we want. but that is not true. God created us for GREATNESS. and as long as we stay on the path He has provided for us, we will achieve that greatness. no matter how far we think we are, no matter where we are, God is bigger than it all. He is bigger than anything we can imagine. even if you think that you are not worthy of His love (which none of us really are) -God loves us anyway- no sin is too big in His eyes.

Just think, if God stopped thinking about us for ONE SECOND we'd cease to exist. why do we worry about anything when our lives our in such huge, gentle, loving, hands? we have nothing to fear. nothing to worry about.

I feel so thankful for this week. I feel so thankful for God, for the missionaries, for the students that said yes to this week, and for everyone who made it possible for me to get to Florida for this life-changing experience.

ALSO!!! Super exciting: i finally got to meet up with EMILY! from show me Your way i was so excited for us to meet IRL! she is such a beautiful sister in Christ, and I am so excited to see all the work that God does through her and in her. i can already see it happening. she's such a sweetheart! :) Emily - we definitely need to visit each other sooooooon!

"I have come that they might have life; and that they might have it to the FULLEST."
-John 10:10

i just want to go tell the world about everything i learned this week. :)

CHRISTMAS!

Merry Christmas everyone! May your days be blessed and your hearts be filled with love & joy as we celebrate the birth of our wonderful King! :)

i'm about to head to mass...wayyyy early, because i feel like it's going to be packed - and i really want to be in the actual church, not some auditorium. haha that doesn't exactly sound like fun to me. what's the point of being with Jesus if you have to watch him on a big screen, rather than up close and personal! :) i prefer up close & personal thank you very much. i really wanted to go to midnight mass, but as much as i want to... i KNOW i'm going to be way too tired. i'm like an old lady!

i hope that you all enjoy your day no matter what you are doing!

MERRRRRRY CHRISTMASSSSSSS!

so tired!

oooof! break is so tiring! hah! i just have so much i want to do, so many people i want to see...and just not enough time. it's a blessing really. however, i just want so badly to be able to see all the people i want to see and who want to see me.

which leads me to another realization i had. the Lord wants us to have peace in our lives, and yes we are supposed to love everyone, and be there for others - while being Christ to them at the same time. and i think at times i confuse that for 'i need to be there for everyone at every moment.' which gets VERY tiring. emotionally and physically. and let's be honest, it's just not possible, let alone healthy. i am learning to not spread myself too thin.

peace is not always easy to acquire in the busy day-to-day moments, but we have to look at our days, and see what we can place in them to give us joy. and to rejuvenate us. i'm learning it's okay to not always want to be with everyone all the time. that doesn't make me anti-social. it's just me learning to place God first and to do what will be most pleasing to Him. and sometimes what is pleasing to Him surprises me. i feel that yes of course He finds joy when i pray, and go to mass, etc. but He also finds joy when i take an hour or so out of my schedule to just relax in my pajamas while drinking hot chocolate. sounds silly, right? but if that's what will bring me the most joy & peace in that moment - it will in turn bring Him joy too.

i guess it's just something i've been thinking about because sometimes i have a hard time saying 'no' to fun plans, even though i'm tired and really would just enjoy an evening in. :) it's a good lesson to learn!

---- on another note

my friend and i went to the mall today and HOLY COW. it was so stinking packed. i couldn't handle it! i was completely overwhelmed, and knocked over a couple of times i think. so we quickly bought what we needed to and peaced out haha. the mall is notttt a very relaxing place during the holidays!

Also, my favorite day of the whoooooooole year is THURSDAYYYYYYYYYYY! WOOHOO!! any fun Christmas plans?!

Good news!

it's winter break, i raised the money for Conference almost completely (God is SOO good and people are so stinking giving, it touches my heart in so many ways), i've met some new, amazing, God-loving girls to pray with, and i just got back from mass with my disciple...and am now sitting, watching tv & eating puppy chow with my dog. :)

Does anyone know anywhere i can get a cute, business casual dress...for not too expensive? or perhaps even a cute skirt?

yes i know this is a short post. but really i just have nothing else to say right now! i'm so tired! i think i got about 4 hours of sleep last night...i'm having such a difficult time sleeping lately. :(

It's ALMOST CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!

Finals are OVER!

oh my gosh! i am freeee from first semester junior year! today i had my last final, and i feel pretty great. except now it is somewhat of a nasty night, so i have locked myself in my apartment for the evening! today as i was walking to my final -- the wind knocked me over.

and i'm talking completely - wiped out - knocked me over. it was really humiliating to say the least! and then i went to my car and my doors were frozen shut. hahaha thank goodness our "mr. fix-it" at newman, came to help me yank my car doors open!! man oh man. God was totally telling me to stay inside tonight. haha so that is exactly what i did.

speaking of God...He is so funny, and so good. so you all have heard me mention FOCUS conference quite a bit, right?! well, i am having a really hard time coming up with the money to go. I registered, even though i couldn't afford it because you don't understand how much i LOVE conference. and for that matter how much i LOVE FOCUS. it's like my heart has been pre-made to love God, my family(+ chip), my friends, & FOCUS. haha, sounds sort of intense, but it's completely true. so i thought, i would figure out a way no matter what. well...now conference is a little less than a month away - and i haven't exactly figured out a way yet.

i've been getting somewhat discouraged...because i don't like asking people for money. it's just not in me to really ask for much of anything. but, lately random bits of money have been making their way to me. a ten here and there. a twenty. so on, and so forth. granted i still have a lott of money to raise for conference. but it's just very encouraging. God is showing me that He is finding a way for me to get there...little, by little and through the enormous generosity of people i know and people i don't know. the other day i found a twenty in my purse with a note that said, "use this for conference. love, kris kringle" like seriously?! people are so beautiful. they are so willing to give, and so willing to help. and i appreciate it way more than i could ever express. especially since i do not know who gave that to me. now i would be lying if i said i'm not a little nervous about raising the rest. -- but i'm trying SO hard to trust. haha...easier said than done. it's something i really struggle with. but i'm trying. really, really hard.

i'd just really like to stop worrying about this, any ideas for raising.... umm, about $350.00 by december 29th? ;) i'm open for any and all suggestions!!! i should have thought harder about this way sooner. it's totally OKAY to ask for help. i need to remember that every now and then. :)

The joys of finals week..

since it is finals week...i have come to a few conclusions.

1) i can eat whatever i want and not feel disgusting. for instance: fudge covered oreos + chocolate covered donuts? definitely a good side dish to my dinner of (orange roughy, texas toast, & corn).

2) naps are a must! i can nap as long as i want whenever i want. so if i decided to go take a quick cat nap right now at 6:15 in the evening, that would be okay.

3) i am allowed to complain and to feel sorry for myself for this week!!

4) sitting in the chapel and laughing hysterically from feeling delirious is totally acceptable. God will understand.

5) random dance parties should probably happen every 23 minutes. yes, 23.

6) seeing the people that keep me sane as much as possible is okay, even if i have work to do. if i'm not sane i can't study...and if i can't study i can't pass junior year.

7) tea is my new best friend!

8) showering is not absolutely necessary.

9) taking time to do fun, random & ridiculous things should be a regular occurrence. :)

10) basically anything goes this week. because it is finals week of junior year. and therefore, we are allowed to do whatever we want. whenever we want.

off to go eat more donuts! :)

soo i am finally going to blog.

i am such a slacker with this poor blog of mine! i barely take time anymore to write, and i really do enjoy writing- and reading others blogs...but i just haven't been able to get myself to do it lately.

to be honest, i haven't been able to get myself to do much of anything lately. this week i've just been feeling like i had nothing left to give...i was a car running on empty. there was just nothing there. i felt void in everything i was doing- like i was lacking the extra oomph to make my responsibilities really count. i realized i wasn't doing anything in love. i was just doing.

so then after a semi-freak out in prayer the other night, i realized it's okay to be empty. in prayer i kept feeling so alone, so empty. and so i kept asking mary, "where are you??" and the instant i let myself be, i saw her. i knew she was telling me that she was there. and that was all i needed. then i kept thinking about the nativity, and all of the shepards who came to see the birth of Jesus. my discipler explained to me that i probably was thinking about the shepards because i was like the shepard that day. i had nothing to give, nothing to bring, yet i still came to prayer, i still came to see Jesus. Jesus wants us even when we have nothing - he wants us to bring out nothingness. how beautiful is that? how blessed are we? our Father is SO good. He loves us so much.

then yesterday i had a wonderfully-prayer filled day. it's so funny, because last year at this time -- praying for an hour once or twice a week was difficult for me. holy cow did it seem like a long time to sit in the chapel! and yesterday has just shown me how much i love to pray now. i make it a point to go to the chapel everyday - and because i want to. that is such a strange feeling for me. a strange feeling that i think i could get used to. :)

well, anyways, yesterday i was able to pray. a LOT. it was so wonderful. i was even able to go to a religious community not too far from here and pray with some very holy brothers/monks/priests! it was such an incredible experience. the chapel we were in was so simple, and empty-ish, yet humbling. because it brought me back to the realization that we don't need all of the extra stuff. Jesus is the main attraction there, so we should be content. (Mary was there too of course!) but i could have sat in that chapel for hours. i love it. adored it.

& after i got home, i was sure that i would be far too tired, far too distracted to study. but no! my focus was better than ever. it was as though suddenly 4 extra hours had been added to my day. i got all of my work done, and even had time for some amazing phone conversations with my friends. it's really true that when you spend time with God, he multiples that time abundantly. :)

it was just the filling up i needed, and now i am able to give again.

After all,
"It is better to give than to receive." Acts 20:35

but, when it comes down to it - we all need to realize when we are running on empty and need to receive. because if we don't allow ourselves to receive -- we simply have nothing to give. :)

Happy Friday everyone. :)