It is a rainy, gloomy Friday here and i just woke up froma much needed nap! I'm actually pretty sick this weekend, so this morning i drove home from school to get a little TLC from my family. :) not gonna lie, it's pretty great to be in your own bed at home when you're not feelin' too great.
well, first of all! a BIG thanks to EMILY! at... show me Your way for a blog award!!
Emily is such a sweetheart! I feel like I know her so well after reading her blog for a little over a month now! It's so great having someone to relate to in the Blog world. I don't follow up with many blogs but I love reading hers! I knoooow we'd for sure be friends IRL! Thanks Emily!!
I am supposed to nominate 5 other people, however... i don't really have too many followers because I'm kind of an awful blogger and tend to never comment on people's blogs. Oopsies!
I promise I do read them. Sometimes I'm just kind of lazy....and also, two of my followers i actually know in real life. haha So, I will refrain from that part, and just leave it at thanking miss emily. :)
let's see what else?! this week has been a bit of a rollercoaster of emotions! remember in my post i said i was starting to feel far away from God?? i was starting to think about the fact that maybe God was using me a lot right now for my Bible study girls and others around me. and maybe He was using me SO much that it was just wearing me out. well, it's funny because our Sister at our Newman Center, gave a talk the other night...and in her talk she said sometimes, when we love others around us, part of us has to die - so others can grow, flourish, love, succeed, find God like we have.
which got me thinking.
and i was frustrated. i did not want part of myself to die! i didn't think i could bounce back from that. i was starting to get really, really angry. i felt forgotten. and alone. but then my view on things slowly started to change. and i started to feel okay about part of myself dying. because the thing about when part of us dies -- it comes back alive again even stronger than before.
(it only took getting to a point of absolute frustration and fear, a late night of sobbing with my fabulous discipler for me to get to this conclusion...bahaha oh the joys of being a girl)
Jesus died for us because He loves us. He gave us life through His death. which is exactly what we are doing for others by letting parts of ourselves die at times. so i think i am okay with letting part of myself die if it means the ones around me are growing. one of my Bible study girls told me that she is the happiest right now that she's been in awhile. so i guess God knows what He is doing... ;) even if i don't always like it.
on the ride home today i was thinking about this, and then "Only the good die young" came on the radio. it made me think that God was smiling at me. telling me that He has big plans for me, so to hang on a little longer. dig a little deeper. dive further into my faith. i will get through this.
(who knew you could get that much out of a silly little song, eh?)
sorry for the long, rambly post! have a WONDERFUL weekend!!
You are so sweet! I'm praying we do get to become IRL friends at conference!! :)
ReplyDeleteIt's SO exciting to hear what you discovered about how God is using you! It does hurt to "die" inside, and to feel those times of being completely lost and confused-- especially when you can't see right then and there how any good could come of it. But God ALWAYS makes sense of our struggles in some way or another and I'm so glad he did for you! I am so happy and proud of you... it sounds like you are making a huge difference in the girls' lives and that your faith is getting so much stronger through it all. This is only the beginning of God's huge plans for you!!
Oh, and I hope you feel better soon! A visit to home works wonders :)