I woke up in a really good mood. My mom took the day off from work today so we were planning on either taking a trip to lake geneva for the day...or just shopping around here. and i woke up and it was so sunny and nice -- i woke up extra early, i was really anxious... it's almost like i knew the kind of day i was about to have.
my mom had to go to the emergency room today. i'm too tired to explain the details of the day because i feel like i've been retelling the story over and over again today. she is home now, and okay for the time being. but i don't really know how long that will last.
it just scared me a whole lot. i prayed all day long. i was thinking about how lost i'd be without my mom, one of my best friends. and then it led me to think how lost i'd be without my dad as well. my parents are my rock. the two people i can always ALWAYS rely on no matter what. no matter how much i mess up, no matter how horrible i feel, no matter what happens. they are there. and let's face it, both my parents have been really sick lately. moreso than they have let on. today just proved that fact.
did i mention i'm scared?
i feel like it is the worst possible time for me to go back to school.
i am so thankful for my mom, my dad, my dog ( =] )... maybe even my brother (haha totally kidding, of course him too!)
- i'm just really scared. -
i think i'm really good at pretending i'm not. but i am. more than i could possibly describe.
i actually think it's sort of funny. tonight one of my friends (who are all amazing btw. they were all SO good about making sure my mom was okay, offering anything they could to help, checking on me ... i'm lucky) asked me how i was doing. i considered it for a minute, put a huge smile on my face and said i was good. why do we do this? i feel like a lot of us do that. say we're okay when we're not. fight back tears that maybe we really need to stop fighting. smile to convince ourselves we're okay, when we may not be in that moment.
what if i had just replied with the truth?
" I'm not okay. I'm scared. "
it is totally OKAY to be scared...just remember that you don't have to carry your burdens on your own.
ReplyDeletei'm praying for the quick recovery of your mom!
xox
k
Oh my gosh, I am so sorry to hear that about your mom. I know how you feel about realizing that your parents aren't always going to be around forever. My mom just turned 60 and luckily hasn't had anything majorly wrong with her. But I know that she is getting to the age where things will start happening.
ReplyDeleteIt's OK to be scared. Do you talk to your parents about that? I think it's great that you realize how important your parents are and that you are taking advantage of the time you do have with them. So many people don't. I will be praying for you and your family.